Thursday, 28 September 2017

Writing and The Importance of Just Showing Up

Today was a 'just showing up' kind of day. The kind that came after months and weeks of turning up the notch on my writing and spending every spare moment of my waking life thinking, writing, thinking about writing and little else. Now I feel spent. There is nothing is left in the tank and yet, I'm so far from finished.

Today I got up early, did all the productive tasks to start my day and sat at my laptop. Then, nothing. Editing felt overwhelming - I didn't know where to start so I switched to writing and that wasn't working either. Nothing was gelling, despite the fact that yesterday I had a super-productive day in both my writing and generally being a together-with-it human.

Having a 'just showing up' day can be tough when you are doing things on your own. I spend the majority of my writing days at home at my laptop. The main reason is cafes and library's are too busy and distracting, and I don't like having to buy a coffee everytime I need to write. I spend hours at a time at my laptop. That's too many coffee's for my student budget to deal with. The inside of my mind feels like the aftermath of a hurricane. My thoughts are strewn everywhere and nothing is in order. I don't know where to start or how to tackle the tasks I need to complete.

The thing is, we all have 'just showing up' days at work too. Yet when all I can achieve is replying to my emails and refiling my paperwork in an afternoon I don't feel like a dismal failure. It's easier to step back and take that for what it is. A sign perhaps, of being too overwhelmed and having too many tasks on the go. In moments like that I reach for something easy. A small win in a day that's not going to plan.

 So, today I'm resigning to the fact that today is not the day to start the clean up. It's a day for airing out. For rest, and naps and peace and quiet.

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